Ho by any other name

Some fifteen or so years ago, my dear late wife Barbara started calling me "Ho," a shortening of my name and also of HoJo, a nickname some used. It stuck and soon most of our friends were calling me Ho. I thoroughly enjoyed my new nickname and have used it ever since, as on this blog and another one, Ho's Rants. Some time later Barbara introduced me to a young black woman at a church gathering using my nickname. She expressed shock and asked, "Don't you know what that means?"

I replied that I knew what it meant in her culture, but that it held no such meaning in Barb's usage and was actually a term of endearment. She commented that she would be terribly offended if someone called her that. I replied that though I understood and certainly would not call her that, it carried no such connotation for me and that I rather liked it. We had quite a discussion with her sticking to not understanding how I could allow such a thing. Finally I said to her, "Meridith, if I called you 'Mer' would you be offended?"

"Of course not!" was her reply.

"Even if 'Mer' in my culture had an evil or distasteful connotation?"

"No!" she replied emphatically.

"Then why can you not understand why I am not offended by or dislike being called, "Ho."

"I sort of see what you mean, but it still bothers me." she commented.

I added, "Different strokes for different folks can even apply to words and word usage. Many words in the Englsh language have dual or even multiple meanings, some quite different. Many cultures that use English have very different meanings for the same word and many diferent words to express a thought or definition. Then there is the fact that some people are much more sensitive to being offended than are others. I am blessed with the belief that it is the intent or usage of the word rather than the word itself that defines it's meaning and may cause any offense. The thickness of one's skin and the level of one's self esteem is also a factor."

I might add that the years have brought me to realize how little is ever to be gained by being angry or feeling guilty. I now see those things that previously made me angry as not my problem, or problems that I cannot effect in any way. They are indeed the problems of those who previously brought on my anger. Recognizing this does a great deal to lessen any anger my instincts might cause to be aroused. Life is just too damned short to get upset over anything one cannot correct or effect. If you tend to feel guity over your actions, just don't commit those actions. If you tend to anger over the actions of others, just remember that they are the ones who own the problem. Just feel sorry for them and don't assume ownership for yourslf. Life is really a wonderful, but far too short experience. Enjoy it!